I've been going to church every morning. I look forward to two parts of the mass: the entire church reciting the Lord's Prayer and the moments of quiet reflection after communion. In these moments, my ego rests. When ego rests, I have a clearer understanding of who I am. When ego is active I identify with what the ego has told me about my unworthiness. No matter what our religious beliefs are, we all believe we have a higher self and a lower self, and when we are in our higher self we feel better. That higher self is not competetiive and therefore doesn't see lack. It's neutral, and because of that it's easy to forget or ignore.
Yoga is another time/place where I can rest in my higher self. There are moments in yoga and mass when I fall into ego: whenever I stand in either venue.
If I am standing, others can see me, and if they can see me, I am vulnerable. To be vulnerable means to be open to attack, but what if we take "attack" away from the definition and leave it as "to be open to..."? I have to stand to receive communion, both the wave of the words of a community prayer and the intimacy of holding the body of Christ in my hand and on my tongue. I am vulnerable to God's presence in those moments.
Yoga asana is all about breathing to me. If I stay mentally connected to my breathing I am again in the presence of my higher self. But a moment or two disconnected from my breathing and I am suddenly filled with ideas of not being pretty enough, good enough, worthy enough.
The key for me is to remember I am always breathing,a communion in itself, a moment of being open to... There is nothing I lack. And I am good enough, despite years and years of ancient voices saying I'm not.
Yoga. Meditation. Prayer. The occasional mass. Kissing my kid. Walking the dog. These are my medicines , especially during the holidays. I am often a little house of cards, and these hold me up. These allow me to be open to... We don't need to find God, but we do need to feel God. This is communion.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Thoughts On Samskaras and Bindu and Science and God
Some Thoughts on Samskaras and Bindu and Science and God and Maybe They All Go Together
Samskaras are the seeds of karma. Imagine a garden shed with a drawer of seeds your great grandfather collected. Maybe there are seeds there which he received from his great grandmother. You are now the owner of your great great great great grandmother's seeds.
Now imagine you actually lived in the time of this ancient grandmother. You collected a lifetime of experiences back then. Some of the effects of those experiences came into fruition during the lifetimes between then and now (karma) and some didn't. Just as many seeds were planted by your ancestors and some remain in the drawer, unused, samskaras exist in your consciousness.
We carry our history with us. We know that, but maybe we never really cared to explore the history older than the bones of our physical body. Maybe our religion doesn't believe in multiple lifetimes, so we don't. I don't give much thought to past lifetimes, either.
We know all about actions and consequences from our present time on earth. We don't need to look farther back. Besides, if we lived multiple lives we probably have multiple lives left to live, and sometimes that's a debilitating thought.
Still, karma and samskaras exist now. How do we know?
...
I am not a scientist or a master yogi but I like their ideas. One person sharing their ideas, especially when those ideas are not the norm, creates more space for another person to do the same. There's a name for that; it's called collective resonance. When one person chooses to look at things differently another will, too. Similarly, when you do something to one electron, another electron will be effected. Why? Because according to many, there's only one of us here! All particles were once one small thing, the size of a pea. Those particles began expanding, and they kept expanding until everything was made. They're still expanding, but all particles are always connected. The word bindu means a dot or small point. From that point came everything in existence. Bindu also means potential. It's all stored in that point. In Christianity, that one thing is the Word. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made." Every kundalini yoga sadhaka knows at least that Bible quote!
The Age of Aquarius will be known, they say, by the marriage of religion and science. God is the thing. The bindu.
...
We know karma and samskaras exist now because we see the power of cause and effect within our chemical make-up, that electron being manipulated creates a manipulation in the other electron. That one thing continues to expand without losing its connection to all other particles.
Here's something Quantum Physics calls "The Measurement Problem", which is the idea that something exists only when you're looking at it, when you have a conscious relationship with it. They say there are no objects, actually, just relationships. Wo. What happens to something when you're not looking at it? How can something only exist when we are in relationship with it?
We are always relating with our karma. It's here, and the dormant seeds are waiting to be used. If I lived before then I must have brought a lot of seeds with me into this life. Maybe that's why I sometimes make careful decisions and I sometimes am just driven to make others. I don't think one way is always better than the other. And I don't think karma and samskara are the only things motivating me. But the clearest action is taken when the karma is worked out and the dormant seeds are burned through the practice of yoga. It might take many lifetimes. Catholics don't believe in those, but they do believe in the words of Jesus, a man who chose to look at things differently, who said do unto others what you would have them do unto you. That sounds like karma. Yoga burns samskaras. Put them together and you have a nice marriage joined together by science. Or just God.
Samskaras are the seeds of karma. Imagine a garden shed with a drawer of seeds your great grandfather collected. Maybe there are seeds there which he received from his great grandmother. You are now the owner of your great great great great grandmother's seeds.
Now imagine you actually lived in the time of this ancient grandmother. You collected a lifetime of experiences back then. Some of the effects of those experiences came into fruition during the lifetimes between then and now (karma) and some didn't. Just as many seeds were planted by your ancestors and some remain in the drawer, unused, samskaras exist in your consciousness.
We carry our history with us. We know that, but maybe we never really cared to explore the history older than the bones of our physical body. Maybe our religion doesn't believe in multiple lifetimes, so we don't. I don't give much thought to past lifetimes, either.
We know all about actions and consequences from our present time on earth. We don't need to look farther back. Besides, if we lived multiple lives we probably have multiple lives left to live, and sometimes that's a debilitating thought.
Still, karma and samskaras exist now. How do we know?
...
I am not a scientist or a master yogi but I like their ideas. One person sharing their ideas, especially when those ideas are not the norm, creates more space for another person to do the same. There's a name for that; it's called collective resonance. When one person chooses to look at things differently another will, too. Similarly, when you do something to one electron, another electron will be effected. Why? Because according to many, there's only one of us here! All particles were once one small thing, the size of a pea. Those particles began expanding, and they kept expanding until everything was made. They're still expanding, but all particles are always connected. The word bindu means a dot or small point. From that point came everything in existence. Bindu also means potential. It's all stored in that point. In Christianity, that one thing is the Word. "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made." Every kundalini yoga sadhaka knows at least that Bible quote!
The Age of Aquarius will be known, they say, by the marriage of religion and science. God is the thing. The bindu.
...
We know karma and samskaras exist now because we see the power of cause and effect within our chemical make-up, that electron being manipulated creates a manipulation in the other electron. That one thing continues to expand without losing its connection to all other particles.
Here's something Quantum Physics calls "The Measurement Problem", which is the idea that something exists only when you're looking at it, when you have a conscious relationship with it. They say there are no objects, actually, just relationships. Wo. What happens to something when you're not looking at it? How can something only exist when we are in relationship with it?
We are always relating with our karma. It's here, and the dormant seeds are waiting to be used. If I lived before then I must have brought a lot of seeds with me into this life. Maybe that's why I sometimes make careful decisions and I sometimes am just driven to make others. I don't think one way is always better than the other. And I don't think karma and samskara are the only things motivating me. But the clearest action is taken when the karma is worked out and the dormant seeds are burned through the practice of yoga. It might take many lifetimes. Catholics don't believe in those, but they do believe in the words of Jesus, a man who chose to look at things differently, who said do unto others what you would have them do unto you. That sounds like karma. Yoga burns samskaras. Put them together and you have a nice marriage joined together by science. Or just God.
Monday, November 14, 2011
In The Groove
Sat Nam! Thanks for stopping by.
I'm working on something special. I'd like to write about my reading from the past week of the Sutras and Gita and other information on yoga and the ego. When I was pregnant it seemed as though every other woman was pregnant. When I was dating a guy with a white Ford Ranger, it seemed every guy in town was driving a white Ford Ranger. Now that I'm studying yoga and the ego, um, everything I do and say seems to be coming from my ego.
Consciousness is made of these: mind, intellect, memory, and ego. Yoga is defined as stilling the thought-waves in the chitta, consciousness. Even a little of this stilling can shift you from the habit of relying on the ego to communicate and choosing another area of the consciousness. A breath, the yogi's magic pill, is all the time you need to create this shift. We all know that, but we don't always do it. Why? That question fascinates me. It has a lot to do with how our patterns of action create litle grooves in the brain. Every time we repeat that action, we carve a deeper groove. We like getting in a groove. It's familiar. All the attention to the breath in a yoga class is designed to form a new groove.
Basal ganglia are nuclei in the brain having to do with the execution of smooth movement patterns. They play a part in coordination, cognition, and emotion. A novice guitar player is a bit clumsy with the strings, but the more she practices, the smoother her playing becomes. Neurons are firing in her brain and working together to make the action smooth. Eventually, she won't need to follow the music sheet. If she gives up the guitar and picks it up again ten years later, clumsiness returns, but give her a few minutes to warm up and things start to come back to her. The groove remains after the action has stopped. It can get weaker, as those neurons have stopped connecting. But the groove is still there, waiting to be exercised.
Yoga would call those grooves samskaras. Samskaras are the seeds of karma. They lie in the consciousness like seeds in a packet. Give them soil and water and they grow. More on samskaras will come next week.
Meanwhile, back in my ego..
In yoga class, in meditation, often in private and some social situations, I am aware of being a soul here to experience being human. A flash of that wisdom informs the whole day. At family events, I am nothingness. I am dismissed. I can't be offered a scoop of cranberry sauce without hiding in a deep groove of telling myself I am insignificant and unworthy. It's just cranberry sauce, but it doesn't matter what is said or offered. My ego has responded the moment someone has looked at me for longer than five seconds. I've been seen, which is what I want. But being seen is being exposed, and I am nothingness, remember? Put a pack of cigarettes in front of someone who hasn't smoked for two weeks. Put a box of cookies in front of a dieter. Put me at the Thanksgiving table. Old habits die hard. I could change it with a deep breath, but will I?
I'm working on something special. I'd like to write about my reading from the past week of the Sutras and Gita and other information on yoga and the ego. When I was pregnant it seemed as though every other woman was pregnant. When I was dating a guy with a white Ford Ranger, it seemed every guy in town was driving a white Ford Ranger. Now that I'm studying yoga and the ego, um, everything I do and say seems to be coming from my ego.
Consciousness is made of these: mind, intellect, memory, and ego. Yoga is defined as stilling the thought-waves in the chitta, consciousness. Even a little of this stilling can shift you from the habit of relying on the ego to communicate and choosing another area of the consciousness. A breath, the yogi's magic pill, is all the time you need to create this shift. We all know that, but we don't always do it. Why? That question fascinates me. It has a lot to do with how our patterns of action create litle grooves in the brain. Every time we repeat that action, we carve a deeper groove. We like getting in a groove. It's familiar. All the attention to the breath in a yoga class is designed to form a new groove.
Basal ganglia are nuclei in the brain having to do with the execution of smooth movement patterns. They play a part in coordination, cognition, and emotion. A novice guitar player is a bit clumsy with the strings, but the more she practices, the smoother her playing becomes. Neurons are firing in her brain and working together to make the action smooth. Eventually, she won't need to follow the music sheet. If she gives up the guitar and picks it up again ten years later, clumsiness returns, but give her a few minutes to warm up and things start to come back to her. The groove remains after the action has stopped. It can get weaker, as those neurons have stopped connecting. But the groove is still there, waiting to be exercised.
Yoga would call those grooves samskaras. Samskaras are the seeds of karma. They lie in the consciousness like seeds in a packet. Give them soil and water and they grow. More on samskaras will come next week.
Meanwhile, back in my ego..
In yoga class, in meditation, often in private and some social situations, I am aware of being a soul here to experience being human. A flash of that wisdom informs the whole day. At family events, I am nothingness. I am dismissed. I can't be offered a scoop of cranberry sauce without hiding in a deep groove of telling myself I am insignificant and unworthy. It's just cranberry sauce, but it doesn't matter what is said or offered. My ego has responded the moment someone has looked at me for longer than five seconds. I've been seen, which is what I want. But being seen is being exposed, and I am nothingness, remember? Put a pack of cigarettes in front of someone who hasn't smoked for two weeks. Put a box of cookies in front of a dieter. Put me at the Thanksgiving table. Old habits die hard. I could change it with a deep breath, but will I?
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